New Age spirituality has sold us a lot of myths about what the healing path entails. Here are a handful of common misconceptions I come across in my practice.
The healing path is not about arriving at a place where you are 100% resilient and things don't trigger you anymore.
It's about cultivating the capacity to ride with the waves of life without descending into shame when life overwhelms you once again (because it will).The healing path is not about getting it right 100% of the time. Perfectionism is poison and a setup for failure.
It's about laying the foundation down so you can be successful most of the time, while having compassion toward yourself when you miss the mark.The healing path is not about graduating to some superhuman level where you never need support.
It's about embracing the limitations of being human and knowing that some waves will challenge you to the point of needing help, and that doesn't mean you're a failure.The healing path is not about figuring out how to be immune to the turbulence of life.
It's about developing the capacity to be with the bumps, the fear, the upset and turmoil and not numb out from the bigness of life. It's about choosing to stay open when fear wants us to close.The healing path is not about landing at a neutral place of sterile equanimity.
It's about opening ourselves to feel it all and knowing that through feeling it all we will be better off than when we employ our avoidant tactics to shield ourselves from the uncomfortable feelings.
Healing is a participatory sport
Many on the healing path seek out a silver bullet - some method or someone to make life feel easier or save them from the pains of living. But this is a misguided effort if it’s based on the premise that someone outside of yourself can heal you. Others can help, but only you can walk your path.
Growth requires your effort. A therapist or healer can only meet you as far as you’re willing to go. They cannot do more of the heavy lifting than you are willing to do yourself. And, you can only be supported to the degree you believe you’re worthy of support.
Healing will not happen if you don't believe it can. If you feel like you're beyond hope, you will be. If you believe that you're unhealable, you will be. You cannot get free if you enjoy your imprisonment. You won’t change if you’re unwilling to dream up a better life for yourself. Nevertheless, if you are brave enough to believe that healing is not only possible but that it is your birthright, it absolutely will be.
3 things to know about the healing journey
It’ll be uncomfortable at times, and you’ll probably have to feel feelings you’ve been avoiding.
It’ll *appear* to get worse before it gets better.
It’ll be 100% worth it 100% of the time.
Yes, it’s going to be uncomfortable sometimes, it might even feel scary in moments… but not all of the time. There will be relief, validation, breakthroughs, and potentially some good humor mixed in there, too. Don’t let the threat of discomfort hold you hostage against your own liberation and growth.
Things will appear to get worse before they get better… but remember, appearances can be deceiving. Things might feel worse only because you’ve “turned all the lights on” in your inner “house” and now you can see all the wounds and limiting beliefs that have been hiding in your shadows and causing you to act in unconscious and damaging ways.
When we open the Pandora’s box of our healing journey, we invite all the baddies to come to the surface and be seen (baddies = our past hurts, traumas, failures, losses). To see all of our material with our full conscious attention and to examine how our past wounding is impacting our present day experiences can feel overwhelming at first! But this shock is temporary and wears off in time as you adapt to living with “the lights on” (consciously). At some point you will reach a moment when you look back and wonder how you tolerated living with your blindspots and all of the behaviors you developed to compensate for your unconsciousness. Freedom - and the effort it takes to get there - will feel eventually like home to you.
Healing work and personal growth is 100% worth it 100% of the time. I’ve never heard anyone regret the effort they put into sitting with their grief, voicing their repressed truths, releasing old stories and behaviors…etc. If you find any resistance to this statement, get curious about which part of you is fearful of the transformation that growth brings (hint: it’s not your higher, most wise self that is trembling).