Considering how polarized society has become and how many people are easily triggered and addicted to outrage, I thought it would be a ripe time to revisit SHADOW WORK. I see it all over on social media, as well as in the political and spiritual spheres - unconscious shadow projections are being thrown in every direction. The victim mentality is baked into people’s psyche. So much of our power is leaked out when we place others as responsible for our triggers and emotional reactions. With so much tension in the air it is easy to find an opening into shadow exploration.
What is shadow work?
Shadow work is the willingness to study one’s blindspots.
Shadow work is the awareness that you always have areas where you can grow.
Shadow work is an owning of your triggers as teachers.
Shadow work is a departure from victim mentality toward a radical embrace of self-responsibility.
Shadow work is the mature understanding that you are not a perfect being (no one is).
Shadow work is the knowing that we are all capable of contradiction and that containing paradox is part of being a human.
In his book Shadow Dance, David Richo outlines shadow work as the following:
“[Q]ualities, both positive and negative, that appear visibly in others but are invisible in us and to us.”
“The shadow is everything about ourselves that we do not know or refuse to know, both dark and light.”
“It is the sum total of the positive and negative traits, feelings, beliefs, and potentials we refuse to identify as our own.”
“Since our disowned qualities seem to be outside us but are actually projected by us, just as our physical shadow is, the word shadow is used to describe them”.
WHY DO SHADOW WORK?
That which we exclude, repress or reject within us becomes a destructive driver in our lives. A lack of awareness of our shadow material causes us to act in ways that are unconscious, detrimental and out of alignment with our highest good.
On the flip-side, that which we acknowledge, embrace and integrate from our shadow is transformed into vital sources of power, creativity and depth.
Here are some basics to get you more familiarized with shadow work, again from David Richo:
HOW TO DETECT THE SHADOW
“What strongly attracts or repels us in others is a clue to where our own darkness lurks.
As we begin accepting our shadow, we acknowledge our projections of our shadow qualities onto others as truths about ourselves.”
THE NEGATIVE SHADOW
“The negative shadow in us is projected onto others as strong dislike or disgust. The abhorred features of our own personality are projected as repulsion, rejection, or dislike of others who demonstrate the very traits we hate in ourselves.
The negative shadow contains all that we despise and reject as unworthy in ourselves.”
THE POSITIVE SHADOW“The positive shadow is projected onto others as admiration or envy. The disowned talents and creative potentials in us are projected as strong admiration of others’ talents or virtues that seem unattainable by us.
The positive shadow contains all our untapped creative potential.”
THE SHADOW IS A GIFT“The shadow presents a challenge to us: to negotiate an alliance among all the opposing forces in ourselves. Every honest man has a dishonest side; every faithful woman has a faithless side. The courageous honesty required to look for such contradictions in ourselves creates character. Befriending both sides of ourselves allows our polarized tensions to emerge into consciousness. Then we begin to locate their creative possibilities. In this sense the shadow is a gift.”
The good news about getting triggered and discovering your shadow material is…
that our shadow only surfaces when we’ve subconsciously become intolerant of those unowned behaviors within us and are ready to transform them into their positive counterparts. Think of a physical shadow - it is usually very close to the object that is casting it. The shadow traits that you project onto others are always very near to their potential positive expressions. It’s just a matter of directing a little self love on that tender spot to will it to grow in the opposite direction toward the light.
The second piece of good news - When we embark on shadow work in earnest, our trigger points with people become manageable and we begin to take things less personally. There’s no longer the sense that someone else’s irksome behavior is being done “to” us; we now have the awareness that the triggers someone stimulates in us are “for” us. Our relationships inevitably improve because we relieve the previously triggering people in our lives from playing that role in our awakening journey; we unburden them from needing to be the projection screen for our unconscious shadows to be cast onto.
HOW TO DO SHADOW WORK
Recognition of the shadow is only part of the work! To transmute its negative impact on our lives we need to follow through with integration and illumination. The order of events is as follows:
1. Identify the shadow aspect.
2. Accept and own it.
3. Find the “gift” - the positive counterpart that is ready to be developed within you. Owning the “gift” elevates the shadow piece into the light of conscious cooperation of the psyche.
Here are a few examples of practical ways to apply shadow work in your life:
THE SHADOW: If I am bothered by how needy someone is, I might struggle with allowing myself to have needs.
THE GIFT: "It is time for me to better advocate for my needs and own my untapped resourcefulness in taking care of myself.”THE SHADOW: If I’m triggered by how self-centered someone is, I might struggle with putting myself first.
THE GIFT: “I am ready to start putting myself first and practicing better boundaries around how much I give of myself.”THE SHADOW: If I am triggered by how much someone posts selfies on social media, I might struggle with allowing myself to be seen without shame or insecurities.
THE GIFT: "I recognize that when I am triggered by her posts it’s a pain coming from the part of me that really wants to boldly show up in the world and be seen. I will dare to reveal more of myself to the world and find ways to let myself feel seen that feels good to me. I will also stop shaming others for doing what feels right for them.”
In “befriending” our shadow we not only develop more generosity, compassion and loving-kindness toward ourselves and others, we also become liberated from the limitations caused by our blindspots. The freedom that happens when we take ownership of our unconscious material is VISCERAL. Once we start seeing through the lens of shadow work, all that energy spent getting triggered by others gets redirected back to us, and we can use that newly freed-up energy to fuel the growth that is ready to happen within.
Shadow integration is absolutely central to my transformative counseling work. It is seamlessly woven into almost every session as it is one of the most accessible tools to catalyze a breakthrough. Learn more about how I work with clients to support their transformations and liberation HERE.
Happy shadow hunting ;-)
