Kadhi Brott
reflections from the well of grief

Reflections on my time at the bottom of the well of grief, on the help I got that lifted me out, and how I am enjoying this new, tender self that has emerged through my difficult year of multiple heartbreaks.

I also share my summer selections of books, podcasts and playlists that I have been enjoying lately.

The Map of Grief

If your loss was great, your grief will be just as great. Yes, you might grieve this for the rest of your life, but the intensity of your grieving will not be constant. The way you relate to your loss will change over time, too. As you grow and evolve, you will relate to your heartbreak differently, accessing new layers of grief and meaning along the way, further integrating your experience.

THE REASONS THAT KEEP US STUCK

Let’s normalize that it’s very natural to resist change. We humans have a familiarity bias that keeps us in our comfort zone (even if we are suffering in there). Regardless of how uncomfortable you are in your life, there’s a familiarity to it that feels secure. Gambling that security for the possibility of something different is a risk that is scary for many of us. However, while there are no guarantees in this life, change will not happen unless we are willing to take the leap and reach for something fuller, freer and more fulfilling in our lives.

Outgrowing Our Problems

“We don’t solve our problems. We outgrow them.” — Carl Jung

There’s no magic spell to cancel our issues. We can’t erase our imperfect childhood, our years in the bad relationship, or our mistakes that sent us on the “wrong” path (pst… it’s all Path). Our trauma, abusive parents, toxic ex’s, tragic losses... all belong to us and will always live within us in some capacity. These are important chapters in our story. They season us, deepen us, develop our character and we take them with us wherever we grow.

No Place Like Home by Jeff Foster

It was always your calling, you see,
to find a way to love yourself deeply,
to not beg for love, or seek it externally,
or wait for it, or try to hold on to it,
but to drench yourself with it, moment by precious moment.

Do not abandon yourself when you feel abandoned,
for there is a pain worse than abandonment:
The abandonment of self, the flight from where you are.
Running from yourself when you most need yourself.

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